Theology of the Body

I feel like my curser is mocking me right now.  It just keeps blinking and blinking and so does my mind.  Baby #5 is testing the limits on sleep and well that’s life; so I’m a bit empty brained these days. 

What in the world does that have to do with marriage?  Well, kinda everything – at least that’s what St. Pope JPII the Great teaches us: self-donative love… a.k.a. Theology of the Body.  I’m not an expert in the teaching, but I think I have a pretty good grasp of it.  See, we’re called to love everyone: God, spouse, children, and even strangers with our bodies.  Please, oh please, I do not mean that you should start physically handling everyone that you meet, please don’t.  What I mean is that giving of ourselves fully and completely to those people that God has placed into our lives is a way of fulfilling His Great Commission.  That could mean holding a sick baby all night, rubbing your son’s head as he walks by just to show you’re there and you care, or holding a door open with a smile for a stranger.  These are all very simple ways that we use our bodies for love.

When my husband and I were engaged, I was talking to my spiritual director and somehow I made the comment about wanting to have a honeymoon baby.  He stopped me immediately.  He explained to me that conceiving immediately after marriage would be a great blessing and gift from God, but it should not be my objective.  I needed to take this time to prepare to be a wife first, then mother if God was to bless us.  As a young Catholic woman preparing for the sacrament of marriage, learning NFP, theology of the body and all those other amazing gifts our Church has for engaged couples, I was focused on a very specific form of physical love.  When Fr. Mark suggested that I concentrate on being a wife first, I realized that I was wrapping myself around the grandeur of marital love (and it is beautiful and life-giving for a reason), but I couldn’t see past it to the “messy” side of marriage.  The one where little angels are all around, your house and hair are a mess, toys and laundry are all over your bed and marital love doesn’t look the same as on the honeymoon night.

That’s one of the beauties of Theology of the Body: if we truly strive to understand what the Church teaches us about sex and marriage, then we see the greatness in all forms of love.  Physical love with our spouse is not always going to be like the wedding night, but it is beauty in every area.  Just as it is extremely important for me to reach out and touch a child as they pass by me, it’s even more important for me to show love to my husband. 

So how, in this busy, crazy stage of life we are in, can I have self-donative love for my husband?  Even in times of abstinence?  It’s kinda simple: love in everyway and with my whole body.  That’s what Fr. Mark meant when he told me to be a wife first and then a mom.  I had to learn to love my husband so that when it wasn’t just the two of us, and sexual union wasn’t as available, we would still thrive.  It can be a sweet text message, note in his wallet or lunch, a touch as he walks by.  Sometimes we forget that the small things speak the loudest, like holding hands.  Not only does it show the one we love that we want them near us, but think of what it speaks to your children.  My husband and I try very hard to always give the sign of peace with a kiss to each other first, then our children; because we were together first (and sometimes after getting five kids ready for Mass we might need to give each other some peace!)  Yes, this time in our marriage is messy and yes, my shirt right now has multiple stains on it and I can’t tell you who and where they came from; but I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

--Jessica Maddox