Holding on to the Truth

Over the past year, my husband and I have had the blessing and burden of supporting several couples through rough places in their marriages. It is a blessing because we have seen the hand of God at work and gotten to participate in the victory which is always His. It is also a burden as our hearts break for the pain our friends are suffering and the tragedy they anticipate as they consider separating. We want to share with you two stories of God’s victory as he rebuilt marriages and lovingly extended graces to everyone involved.

One couple was known to our TOOL group and had shared a little of the challenges they were experiencing. When we realized that things were going from bad to worse and the couple were seriously considering divorce, as a group we wanted to do something, but were unsure how exactly to help in something as private as a marriage. We decided we would all commit to praying the Magnificat with our spouses daily for the good of this marriage. At the suggestion of our spiritual director, some of us also committed to fasting every Friday for this couple. We sent them an email to let them know what we were doing. Recently this couple related how much our small act of caring had meant to them. The husband even remarked, “When I saw that email, I realized that you all were working harder at my marriage than I was!” I don’t for one minute think that our prayers alone saved their marriage; they had a lot of work to do to rebuild trust and to recommit to each other. But what a blessing it was to do something, rather than nothing.

Another marriage was already on the brink of collapse when we first found out there was trouble. The husband had moved out and was asking for divorce. The wife was hurt and angry, and she couldn’t envision things actually getting better. Again, our friends wanted to do something, so the ladies invited her to join our weekly Bible study. One night as she drove me home after Bible study, she told me about a time she had lost her wedding ring years ago. She had been helping clean out the house of a hoarder and had lost her wedding ring while bagging up all the trash. When she realized it was missing, she hunted through all those bags of trash until she found her ring. Of course the ring was valuable, but it was, after all, only a symbol for the relationship. I encouraged my friend to see how much more valuable the marriage itself was. Was she willing to dig through all the emotional garbage to reclaim her marriage? I am happy to say that with the help of a marriage counselor, she and her husband went through all the mess and came to rediscover the possibility of living out their marriage again.

Marriage is messy. It is both a blessing and a burden. It offers both joy and heartache and the possibility for tragedy and triumph. Marriages that seem okay from the outside can be shaky on the inside. Let us not be afraid to reach out to those who are struggling and do something. And let us not be afraid to tell each other when we are struggling ourselves.

When the couples around us doubt the strength of their marriage, when they consider the possibility of divorce, we who love them must hold on to the truth of their marital bond. Our common vision of marriage as a real and indissoluble unity of two souls can help others remember the truth, and the Truth will set them free.

Jim and Debbi