The Big Day

A wedding … the beautiful flowers, music and singing, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, flower girl and ring bearer. The amazing church, so attractive for the ceremony. The stunning bride and handsome groom. We all have glorious memories of weddings we have attended, weddings we participated in, and even our own wedding ceremony with our spouse. When most of us think of and talk about weddings, we focus on the things of the wedding that appear glamorous, rich, and very beautiful. For many of us, our Catholic wedding ceremony included a mass.

Was the mass the focus of your wedding?

For the first time ever, I experienced a MASS that happened to have a wedding within it. That’s right…a mass with the commitment of man and wife right in the middle of it. Just after the Liturgy of the Word, and just before the Eucharist.

I am not sure what made the difference for me experiencing this change…maybe it is getting older, maybe it was the fact the wedding was on a Sunday afternoon, or maybe it was…

Whatever the reason, it was AWESOME!

Everything about the wedding ceremony spoke of the importance of the mass, our commitment to one another in God’s house with God’s chosen people, the church. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the verse “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” Matthew 18: 20 When we marry, we become one with Christ. It is not man and wife, but man, wife, and God. Two gathered together for a lifetime, and God so graciously joins the union.

The focus of that special wedding wasn’t the wedding glamour. It was the heart of our Catholic faith: the Eucharistic celebration, the breaking of bread with our family and friends. How wonderful it was to share that meal with this couple beginning their life journey together!

As Valentine’s Day approaches, let us be reminded of our union as a couple and the presence of God in that union. The next time you and your spouse attend mass together, take time to reflect on your commitment to one another, the commitment you made in the middle of a mass, with family and friends celebrating the Eucharistic feast with you.

Karen Dunne

Holding on to the Truth

Over the past year, my husband and I have had the blessing and burden of supporting several couples through rough places in their marriages. It is a blessing because we have seen the hand of God at work and gotten to participate in the victory which is always His. It is also a burden as our hearts break for the pain our friends are suffering and the tragedy they anticipate as they consider separating. We want to share with you two stories of God’s victory as he rebuilt marriages and lovingly extended graces to everyone involved.

One couple was known to our TOOL group and had shared a little of the challenges they were experiencing. When we realized that things were going from bad to worse and the couple were seriously considering divorce, as a group we wanted to do something, but were unsure how exactly to help in something as private as a marriage. We decided we would all commit to praying the Magnificat with our spouses daily for the good of this marriage. At the suggestion of our spiritual director, some of us also committed to fasting every Friday for this couple. We sent them an email to let them know what we were doing. Recently this couple related how much our small act of caring had meant to them. The husband even remarked, “When I saw that email, I realized that you all were working harder at my marriage than I was!” I don’t for one minute think that our prayers alone saved their marriage; they had a lot of work to do to rebuild trust and to recommit to each other. But what a blessing it was to do something, rather than nothing.

Another marriage was already on the brink of collapse when we first found out there was trouble. The husband had moved out and was asking for divorce. The wife was hurt and angry, and she couldn’t envision things actually getting better. Again, our friends wanted to do something, so the ladies invited her to join our weekly Bible study. One night as she drove me home after Bible study, she told me about a time she had lost her wedding ring years ago. She had been helping clean out the house of a hoarder and had lost her wedding ring while bagging up all the trash. When she realized it was missing, she hunted through all those bags of trash until she found her ring. Of course the ring was valuable, but it was, after all, only a symbol for the relationship. I encouraged my friend to see how much more valuable the marriage itself was. Was she willing to dig through all the emotional garbage to reclaim her marriage? I am happy to say that with the help of a marriage counselor, she and her husband went through all the mess and came to rediscover the possibility of living out their marriage again.

Marriage is messy. It is both a blessing and a burden. It offers both joy and heartache and the possibility for tragedy and triumph. Marriages that seem okay from the outside can be shaky on the inside. Let us not be afraid to reach out to those who are struggling and do something. And let us not be afraid to tell each other when we are struggling ourselves.

When the couples around us doubt the strength of their marriage, when they consider the possibility of divorce, we who love them must hold on to the truth of their marital bond. Our common vision of marriage as a real and indissoluble unity of two souls can help others remember the truth, and the Truth will set them free.

Jim and Debbi

Patience in my Vocation

My husband, Mark, and I joined a spiritual marriage group (Teams of Our Lady) almost 2 years ago. We were hesitant at first, even turning down the first invitation, concerned that we hadn’t the time. However with a little more prodding, we decided to jump in. Since then, we have been very happy with the decision. Within these past two years, we have been afforded many graces in our marriage and we continue to see the benefits unfold—especially the gifts of mutual understanding and appreciation.

One specific struggle I continue to face, though, is a lack of patience. I realize this is one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit. However I just can’t ever seem to have enough, especially with those I love the most. We have four kids, so it is easy to see that there are a lot of personalities living under one roof. I feel challenged with the daily grind—getting kids to where they need to be, work schedules, sports schedules, laundry, housekeeping, etc. Everyone knows the daily grind! But when things aren’t going as planned, or when I don’t feel supported enough, the first thing that seems to disappear is my patience. And then no one is happy!

I discussed this recently with a priest. How can I be so impatient and sometimes just mean to those I love the most? He gave me advice that really rang thorough to these wooden ears. I was advised to remember that my marriage and family is my vocation—this is my pathway to heaven. Wow. My pathway to heaven? Really? Driving kids all around creation, disciplining sassy mouths and picking up Mark’s laundry off the floor (when the hamper is three feet away) … that’s my pathway to heaven?

Contemplating that more, when we chose to get married, we could have simply gone to a justice of the peace or perhaps used an internet-ordained minister. It would have been quicker and a whole lot cheaper! Instead, we desired to get married and exchange vows in the Church, before God. We made a promise not only to each other, but more importantly to our Creator, that we would love and serve each other always—not just when life is fun and interesting, but also when life is, well, full of frustrations.

So as I enter this new year, I pray that God provides me with more and more patience so that I in turn can provide a more holy and enjoyable household for my family. “Be careful what you pray for,” I recently heard someone say, “for God always provides.” So in praying for more patience, I suppose I need to be prepared to encounter or at least recognize the little everyday frustrations in life. In doing so, I hope to be able to take a deep breath, take a step back, count to 3, do a yoga pose—whatever my calming technique is for that particular day—and handle that sassy mouth, that spilled milk that trickles into the crack of the table, or those (men’s) size 13 camo crocs that I’m always tripping over with more grace than I did before. And with that, I will know that I’m one step closer on my pathway to heaven.

Melanie and Mark Pilkenton