Wednesday, December 10, 2014

A New Perspective

I was surprised to be asked to contribute to this blog and questioned what I could possibly say to married couples when I am no longer married. I was widowed over four years ago, after 24 years of marriage. As I thought about what I could say, one thought kept coming to mind; what do I know now that I wish I knew/understood while I was married?

Great loss brings a new perspective and appreciation, lessons I wish I had learned without suffering a loss. I was blessed to be in a very strong marriage, and it was not until after I lost my husband that I began to realize just how much Mike and I completed and complemented each other. Together we formed a blending of our hearts and souls into our joint identity where “two become one.” We had become one, and I did not know it until half of our oneness was ripped away and I had to learn to live without half of me. I did not just lose my husband, I lost my soul mate, the person who made me better, my identity and the vocation God had called me to. As much as I thought I appreciated what I had in Mike and in our marriage, I did not until I lost him. Even with a two year battle with ALS and Mike’s mortality hanging over us like a countdown timer, I did not appreciate or even comprehend how much our souls and hearts had meshed together during 24 years of marriage until he was gone.

As you read this, stop and think about your spouse for a little bit. Think about how he/she complements you, how he/she makes you a better person, who sees you at your worst and best and loves you regardless, how he/she knows and understands you better than anyone else and how you both have become one. Please, do not take it for granted what you have in your spouse. God has given you a precious gift. Love, cherish and appreciate every second of every day with that gift, your spouse.

There is so much truth in, “You don’t realize what you have until you lose it” and my prayer for married couples this Christmas is that it will not take loss through death or divorce for a couple to realize what a precious God given gift they have in each other.

Kate Treese

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