What Kind of Giver Am I?

What Kind of Giver Am I?

On Thursday morning I stood outside on a street corner for several hours, walking through traffic, trying to solicit money.  I did this as part of “Old Newsboys’ Day”, which raises money for various children’s charities every year.  If you didn’t grow up in St. Louis, and maybe even if you did, you probably wondered who those people were, standing outside in traffic.

For at least the past 15 years, I’ve personally been on Clarkson Road, at Kehrs Mill, selling papers for charity the week before Thanksgiving.  My family has been doing it since I was a kid, and we’ve seen rain, sleet, snow, freezing temperatures, and this year, an unseasonably mild day.  I’ve been witness to pure generosity, as well as rage.  I’ve been the recipient of kind and also ignorant acts.  I’ve seen it all.

Many people recognize the Newsboy apron I wear, and know exactly what the day is all about.  They waive me over, give generously, and don’t even want the newspaper I offer them in return.  They just want to give.  Others waive me over and ask how much to buy a paper.  Perhaps they think I’m selling the Post on a street corner, and aren’t aware that news can now be found on the internet.  When I explain to them there is no set price, but any donation they can give will go to charity, they will happily take the paper, put their money away and drive off.  They just want to take without giving. 

Occasionally I fear for my life as certain cars swerve closer.  I’ve seen women applying make-up, with the vanity mirror down as they drive by.  I’ve seen students typing papers on their computers as they pull into Marquette.  I even saw a man eating his breakfast off a plate on the dashboard…with knife and fork.  Some people are just oblivious to the world around them, and even to the important task that is right in front of them. 

I’ve seen row after row of cars where no one will even acknowledge my presence.  Some people simply ignore me, but others go out of their way to concoct elaborate acts.  These acts usually evolve with technology.  The historical evolution started low-tech, with people feeling the compulsive need to suddenly dig through their purses or glove compartments as I approached.  That progressed towards everyone’s cell phone mysteriously needing to be answered right as my shadow fell upon the hood of their car.  Maybe my body is a good conductor of cellular signals??  Eventually people felt it necessary to put their ear buds in and listen to their iPods as my heavy footsteps called out to them.  Now, all heads simply look down at their laps, and many texts are sent, and webpages visited, while waiting for me to pass by at a stoplight.  This last one might not actually have much to do with me, since I observe the same behavior at almost every stoplight nowadays.  At any rate, many people, understandably, don’t want to open themselves up to something uncomfortable.  Instead, they fake an over-intense interest in something meaningless, until the discomfort (in this case a scary man on the street) passes by.

Before you start thinking the majority of people ignore me, there are also many who purposely try to get my attention, even if they don’t want to donate.  Many people put their paper in the windshield or casually point to it, to show me that they’ve already given on another street corner.  Whether they originally gave out of kindness, or simply to use the paper as a “free pass” in order to avoid being bothered at every stoplight on their way to work, their generosity is still appreciated.  There are others who roll their windows down and waive the paper at me violently until I acknowledge them and thank them again.  I can imagine these same people bringing their papers in to work, so that co-workers will sing their praises.  Perhaps these are the same people who keep “I gave blood” stickers on their coats from a donation they gave 5 years earlier.  I will not deny that they are helping others, but they certainly love to be noticed.

There is one lady every year, who never fails to tell us the story about how she saves a cupful of change in her car, adding to it for 12 months, in order to give.  The first year I took her donation, she regaled me with the tail of every place she received change over the year.  As cars behind her honked, and people whizzed by, cussing at me, she lofted up the McDonalds cup, asked me to put my hands out, so she could dump the contents.  I did not realize it still had soda in it when she started her coin collection a year earlier.  The entire bottom inch of coins was pasted together in a sticky clump.  She was also a smoker, and some cigarette butts obviously didn’t find the ash tray.  Now, if I see a woman waiving at me with a cup full of coins, I let my brother take that donation!

Finally, there are the people who are willing to give freely and generously.  They often have a dollar or two in hand as I approach, and after finding where the money goes, they open their wallets and pull out an extra five or ten or twenty dollars.  These people usually have a smile on their face, and thank ME for what I’m doing, before I can thank them.  They are often the start of an entire line of givers.  People see them, and put away their phones, and make-up, and open their windows to give.  Kindness and generosity are certainly contagious.

I don’t write this to tell you to give to Old Newsboys’ Day.  During this time of year, where many people give generously to charities, I would hope that you research organizations on your own, before giving.  I’ve been sickened in the past to find out that charities I had devoted much time and countless hours to, had been quietly giving my dollars in support of embryonic stem cell research, or other unethical areas.  But I digress...The reason for writing this, is because my time selling newspapers has made me aware of the different types of giving.  Every day, but especially as Advent approaches, I should be examining my treatment of others, my generosity, my hidden intentions and true motivation.  This should ESPECIALLY be true of my interactions with my spouse. 

Do I give without thinking of what may be in it for me?  Do I take without thinking of what my wife is giving?  Am I oblivious to all that she is doing around me?  Do I feign being busy, or keep myself occupied with trivial tasks in order to avoid more meaningful discussions with her?  Do I give her only the minimum, in order to check that I put in my time, and I can go on to something else?  Do I demand to be acknowledge for even the simplest things I do, and milk them for all they’re worth?  Do I put in a lot of time and effort, but put it towards the wrong things, never really listening to what is truly needed?  Or perhaps, just maybe, I give freely…love freely…and do it happily, without reservation, without any thought of what I may receive in return, with a smile on my face and a generous heart, so that it can be spread to others, and grow, and make my marriage better, and my family better, and the world a better place. 

These are the things I think about while walking through traffic, on a busy street.  If you see me next year, feel free to smile, even if you don’t want to buy a paper.  I may look like a scary, homeless man, but I’m just a guy out there, trying to think about how I can be a better husband.

Written by:  Matt Buehrig            inspired by:  Wendy Buehrig