What Kind of
Giver Am I?
On Thursday
morning I stood outside on a street corner for several hours, walking through
traffic, trying to solicit money. I did
this as part of “Old Newsboys’ Day”, which raises money for various children’s
charities every year. If you didn’t grow
up in St. Louis, and maybe even if you did, you probably wondered who those
people were, standing outside in traffic.
For at least
the past 15 years, I’ve personally been on Clarkson Road, at Kehrs Mill,
selling papers for charity the week before Thanksgiving. My family has been doing it since I was a
kid, and we’ve seen rain, sleet, snow, freezing temperatures, and this year, an
unseasonably mild day. I’ve been witness
to pure generosity, as well as rage.
I’ve been the recipient of kind and also ignorant acts. I’ve seen it all.
Many people
recognize the Newsboy apron I wear, and know exactly what the day is all
about. They waive me over, give
generously, and don’t even want the newspaper I offer them in return. They just want to give. Others waive me over and ask how much to buy
a paper. Perhaps they think I’m selling
the Post on a street corner, and aren’t aware that news can now be found on the
internet. When I explain to them there
is no set price, but any donation they can give will go to charity, they will
happily take the paper, put their money away and drive off. They just want to take without giving.
Occasionally
I fear for my life as certain cars swerve closer. I’ve seen women applying make-up, with the
vanity mirror down as they drive by.
I’ve seen students typing papers on their computers as they pull into
Marquette. I even saw a man eating his
breakfast off a plate on the dashboard…with knife and fork. Some people are just oblivious to the world
around them, and even to the important task that is right in front of
them.
I’ve seen
row after row of cars where no one will even acknowledge my presence. Some people simply ignore me, but others go
out of their way to concoct elaborate acts.
These acts usually evolve with technology. The historical evolution started low-tech,
with people feeling the compulsive need to suddenly dig through their purses or
glove compartments as I approached. That
progressed towards everyone’s cell phone mysteriously needing to be answered
right as my shadow fell upon the hood of their car. Maybe my body is a good conductor of cellular
signals?? Eventually people felt it
necessary to put their ear buds in and listen to their iPods as my heavy
footsteps called out to them. Now, all
heads simply look down at their laps, and many texts are sent, and webpages
visited, while waiting for me to pass by at a stoplight. This last one might not actually have much to
do with me, since I observe the same behavior at almost every stoplight
nowadays. At any rate, many people,
understandably, don’t want to open themselves up to something uncomfortable. Instead, they fake an over-intense interest
in something meaningless, until the discomfort (in this case a scary man on the
street) passes by.
Before you
start thinking the majority of people ignore me, there are also many who
purposely try to get my attention, even if they don’t want to donate. Many people put their paper in the windshield
or casually point to it, to show me that they’ve already given on another
street corner. Whether they originally
gave out of kindness, or simply to use the paper as a “free pass” in order to
avoid being bothered at every stoplight on their way to work, their generosity
is still appreciated. There are others
who roll their windows down and waive the paper at me violently until I acknowledge
them and thank them again. I can imagine
these same people bringing their papers in to work, so that co-workers will
sing their praises. Perhaps these are
the same people who keep “I gave blood” stickers on their coats from a donation
they gave 5 years earlier. I will not
deny that they are helping others, but they certainly love to be noticed.
There is one
lady every year, who never fails to tell us the story about how she saves a
cupful of change in her car, adding to it for 12 months, in order to give. The first year I took her donation, she regaled
me with the tail of every place she received change over the year. As cars behind her honked, and people whizzed
by, cussing at me, she lofted up the McDonalds cup, asked me to put my hands
out, so she could dump the contents. I
did not realize it still had soda in it when she started her coin collection a
year earlier. The entire bottom inch of
coins was pasted together in a sticky clump.
She was also a smoker, and some cigarette butts obviously didn’t find
the ash tray. Now, if I see a woman
waiving at me with a cup full of coins, I let my brother take that donation!
Finally,
there are the people who are willing to give freely and generously. They often have a dollar or two in hand as I
approach, and after finding where the money goes, they open their wallets and
pull out an extra five or ten or twenty dollars. These people usually have a smile on their
face, and thank ME for what I’m doing, before I can thank them. They are often the start of an entire line of
givers. People see them, and put away
their phones, and make-up, and open their windows to give. Kindness and generosity are certainly
contagious.
I don’t
write this to tell you to give to Old Newsboys’ Day. During this time of year, where many people
give generously to charities, I would hope that you research organizations on
your own, before giving. I’ve been
sickened in the past to find out that charities I had devoted much time and
countless hours to, had been quietly giving my dollars in support of embryonic
stem cell research, or other unethical areas.
But I digress...The reason for writing this, is because my time selling
newspapers has made me aware of the different types of giving. Every day, but especially as Advent
approaches, I should be examining my treatment of others, my generosity, my
hidden intentions and true motivation.
This should ESPECIALLY be true of my interactions with my spouse.
Do I give
without thinking of what may be in it for me?
Do I take without thinking of what my wife is giving? Am I oblivious to all that she is doing
around me? Do I feign being busy, or
keep myself occupied with trivial tasks in order to avoid more meaningful
discussions with her? Do I give her only
the minimum, in order to check that I put in my time, and I can go on to
something else? Do I demand to be
acknowledge for even the simplest things I do, and milk
them for all they’re worth? Do I put in
a lot of time and effort, but put it towards the wrong things, never really
listening to what is truly needed? Or
perhaps, just maybe, I give freely…love freely…and do it happily, without
reservation, without any thought of what I may receive in return, with a smile
on my face and a generous heart, so that it can be spread to others, and grow,
and make my marriage better, and my family better, and the world a better
place.
These are
the things I think about while walking through traffic, on a busy street. If you see me next year, feel free to smile,
even if you don’t want to buy a paper. I
may look like a scary, homeless man, but I’m just a guy out there, trying to
think about how I can be a better husband.
Written
by: Matt Buehrig inspired by: Wendy
Buehrig
