Jesus Wept

Our son just turned five in February.  He considers himself a big kid now.  And he is in many ways.  He can dress himself, follow directions (when he wants to), have real conversations, and show excitement and interest in our Catholic faith. 

And it’s because of all these “big boy” traits that this year I took Liam with me to cemetery on what would have been my sister’s 28th birthday. 

Greg was working since it was on a weekday this year, so Liam helped me pick out flowers to bring and then walked with me to Katie’s grave to help arrange the flowers.  Before we went, I explained to him again what a cemetery was and why we were going on that day.  Admittedly, I was a little unsure of how he would react and what questions he’d have. 

Because we do talk about my sister and other family members who have died, death was not a new topic for him to hear about.  Maybe that’s why he had the reaction to the cemetery that he did.  He was proud to help arrange the flowers.  Then he asked if we could walk around and look at other gravestones.

We ended up spending half an hour on a beautiful day walking through the cemetery.  He asked about different gravestones and why some were bigger, smaller, or just very different from others.  He asked why some had flowers or balloons and others didn’t.  

Then he asked if we could bring flowers for all the graves that didn’t have any next time we came.  I told him we could, and then I told him about the Corporal Works of Mercy and how he had just performed one.   We talked about why we bury the dead and why we come back to put flowers on graves.  And how nice it was for him to think about the graves without flowers on them. 

Then we talked about the shortest verse in the Bible – John 11:35: “Jesus wept.”  I explained how Jesus showed us it was OK to be sad and miss people, even if we knew we’d see them in Heaven.  He listened and continued looking at the graves as we walked. 

When it was time to go, I looked at him and realized the topics we’d just covered – death, Corporal Works of Mercy, mourning.  It wasn’t forced and I didn’t plan to talk about all those topics with him, but the opportunity was there.  And even though he may not have comprehended everything, I’m glad I took the time to talk about some of the “tough stuff” of life with him.  Because he didn’t fear the cemetery or discussion of death that day.  He saw the peace and beauty there and recognized that he could add to it in a small way. 

So when I go back on May 10^th to take flowers for the anniversary of my sister’s death.  He’ll come with me again.  And this time we’ll bring some extra flowers for those graves that haven’t been visited in a while.  Because, as Liam recognized in his own way, we’re entrusted with the memory of those who have died.  Like Jesus, we can weep and grieve, despite the hope that we’ll be reunited one day.  It’s not an easy lesson or task, and it’s often overlooked as society shies away from discussion of death and dying.  But it’s an important one. 

And sometimes it takes the questions and observations of a five year old big boy to remind us of that.